Similar to Monty Python, I continue to
search far and wide for my “holy grail” with respect to capturing professional opportunities.
Although I enjoy a competitive resume and extensive logistics experience, I must
improve and be more comfortable talking (make contact) with “strangers” so I
can improve my “social skills.” Why are mature social skills so important to my
career? I’m convinced being at ease in “spontaneous” two-person or public conversations
demonstrate I comfortably can communicate in otherwise stressful personal and
professional settings. When partnered with strong experience and proficiency, my
prowess with respect to “make contact” communication would translate to more and
better professional opportunities.
I’m comfortable conversing with strangers
in professional settings; these “strangers” later become colleagues. I’ve led
various planning sessions with representatives from subordinate organizations who
I’d met just a few minutes after the start of the event. Earlier in my career,
I “jumped in with both feet” in my new commands by meeting and engaging with
new people for the first time when I assumed command of these squadrons. I was comfortable
talking with colleagues I recently met when they were subordinate to me; I didn’t
feel threatened. However, I’m conversationally unsettled from a professional
stand-point when I approach others serving in a superior capacity/position to
mine or interacting in a social setting. It’s difficult for me to “work a room”
with ease because I’m more comfortable and better versed discussing work at a
social event or party, then talking about family and personal interests. You
can imagine that makes for a fun time for everyone. McKay, Davis, and Fanning
(2007) shared the view self-deprecating behavior is one reason for being
ill-at-ease with strangers. This model (influenced my behavior with negative
thoughts about my “social value”) described my awkward self-consciousness.
I “sport” a quiet personality; my
parents set an example of being reserved and don’t “rock the boat” because in
the long run it was better to get along to avoid creating dissension. I learned
and lived by the credo “God made people with two ears and one mouth so people
should listen more and talk less.” I formed my opinions and outlooks by reading
and listening to and assessing the beliefs of others. I’ve followed the view “it’s
better to listen with an open mind to develop opinions which reflect reality
and truth.” I viewed others who just talked (without listening to others) to be
conversation “hogs” who were close minded; they didn’t listen to others…and
that’s not who I wanted to be. However, serving as an Air Force officer
challenged me to “emerge socially from my shell.” My duty and commitment to
lead were greater than being comfortable in my reserved personality. As a
result, I immersed myself in conversations at all levels. However, I’ve not
“conquered” the task of simple, personal conversation…and that’s where Messages can help.
McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2007) shared
two rules for connecting that hit me right between the eyes…give attention,
interest, and respect to your partner and embrace an outward rather than an
inward focus. I’d create conducive, meaningful interaction when I focused on
the other person’s perspective. Historically, my focus has deferred to my
“perceived” shortcomings: I wasn’t as smart, senior, or as influential as the
other person and didn’t focus on what I had to offer the relationship. I’ve neglected
easy, common sense cues on how to bond with others. However, McKay, Davis, and
Fanning (2007) proposed several guidelines I’ll leverage to connect more
effectively:
·
Revolutionize my “body language”
to engage and welcome the other person by moving closer, uncrossing my arms and
legs, leaning in to the discussion, making eye contact, and smiling.
Unfortunately, my “track record reflects that my body language screamed all the
wrong tendencies.
·
Use “ice-breakers” to generate
conversation. I’ve been concerned with potential rejection or being forced into
an unwanted situation. However, Messages
listed a few ways to initiate discussion: ask for information, offer a
compliment, employ humor. Historically, I’ve not been very good at initiating
conversations with strangers in a room or at an event.
·
Strengthen my “art of
conversation” using ritual and informational questions, active listening to
participate in our discussion, and sharing more of my thoughts to foster
closeness and trust. In the past, I’ve struggled with being able to carry a
conversation beyond one or two ice-breaker questions.
I’ve lived most of these shortfalls for too long,
yet am excited about the opportunities these recommendations offer to make me
socially comfortable and influential.
Reference
McKay, M., Davis, M. and Fanning, P. (2007). Messages: The communication skills book.
Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
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