A521.4.3.RB_FodenJohn (Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages)

Oh when I was growing up, if I had a nickel for every time my mom told me (or my wife when she tried to knock sense in to me), “stand/sit up straight,” “don’t slouch,” “speak up, I can’t hear you,” or “be mindful of your tone (of voice).” I thought their “suggestions” were intended to simply make me “behave myself.” I didn’t understand the rationale behind their guidance. I took those lessons to heart. However, McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009) introduced an urgency to make sure I incorporate these “non-verbal rules of the road” into how I convey who I am and how I communicate. I must remain conscious of what/how I present, yet communicate without being overly self-conscious of body language mechanics. I didn’t realize the overwhelming influence non-verbal cues and vocals command for communicating effectively.  As I read the text, McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2009), hit me between the eyes when they stressed poor body posture and quiet demeanor/ voice convey submissiveness and lack of self-confidence resulting in less impact to affect others or a situation. Even how I stand during conversation (crossed arms and leaning away or turned) “shouts” I’d rather be somewhere else. No wonder others may view me as socially clumsy. I tend to speak loudly and am more confident when leading large groups/ audiences. I was at ease and animated while in front of my 300-person squadron during monthly commander’s calls. I conveyed and my squadron returned interest and excitement. However, I’m less vocal, more stand-offish, and less confident/assured while participating in smaller groups, especially staff meetings with senior officers…and I didn’t even realize it…until McKay, Davis, and Fanning. My voice tends migrates to “flatness”; I’ve learned from past interactions, emotions tend to override what I was say. I learned to consciously moderate my volume to remove emotion and simply convey my verbal message. I didn’t want people to know what I was thinking, so I used a flat tone to hide intent/mindset. However, I had inadvertently conveyed disinterest and boredom instead. I’d compromised my verbal message when I removed emotion.

Every Tuesday, I host a teleconference with five organizations spread across the U.S. I’ve met some of the teleconference participants only a couple of times, so we’re not overly familiar with each other. However, I don’t vary my voice/tone when speaking during these meetings which makes an already lackluster agenda even more so. I need to adjust my tone as well as pace of my voice to become conversational as opposed to instructional. Altering tempo and rhythm should draw my listeners into the discussion.

McKay, Davis, and Fanning (2007) opened my eyes about a “hidden agenda”…I didn’t realize I clung to any. However, I realize I use one that has been detrimental to my effectively communicating with colleagues. With the high number of commitments and activities I balance, it’s easy to understand how I’ve donned an “I’m Tough” agenda. McKay, Davis, and Fanning described this hidden agenda as a workaholic who voluntarily carries an overbearing work load. The offender’s goal is to show how much harder/longer (s)he works than anyone else. The offender seeks relief from criticisms and requests via this behavior. The “tough guy” may not realize (s)he is simply trying to avoid hurt and protect his/her self-esteem. Behind the “I’m Tough” exterior is a person concerned about rejection and insecurity. Unfortunately, I see many of these “tough guy” qualities in my behavior and outlook. My “To Do” list is way too long…there’s never enough time in the day... there’s always one more thing to do…or don’t ask me to volunteer because I’m too busy with my own concerns. I know I should invest more time in helping others, being with my family, or socializing with colleagues, but I find myself checking off my “things to do,” rather than catch a breather to engage with others. Just one (of many) example: on Nov 12, 2013 in Hampton Roads, (VA) my wife and I both enjoyed a rare “day off.” My son was at school and the weather was a balmy 67, with a cold front on the way for the afternoon. Most husbands would have jumped at the chance to take their wife on a day trip to just “get away” for a little bit for “catch-up” time. Maybe a movie and lunch or even a trip to the beach…whatever, even just a few hours. What did this “knuckle-head” do? Shared a breakfast date at Panera Bread with my bride and then returned home to start my homework and do five hours of yard work. Or at work, when my office sponsors an in-office breakfast, I tend to eat fast and go right back to work (as opposed to socialize) because there’s so much I have to get done. I’ve searched for the “Holy Grail” on how to “fix” this problem. To take a bit more time to interact socially with family, friends, colleagues, etc. On pg. 88, McKay, Davis, and Fanning recommend the “tough guy” takes time to take care of him/herself and relax. Although, I’m better than I have been, I’m not “there” yet. It’s a struggle every day because I’ve become “comfortable” in my stressed pursuit for security and acceptance.

Reference

McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: The communication skills book.

            Oakland,CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

A521.3.4.RB_FodenJohn (Personal Reflection)

I re-count a handful of experiences that became “life changers” for me…fervently setting me to a new direction because of their impacts. I thoroughly enjoyed my childhood years because I grew up in a stable, traditional home.

        In the summer of1967, when I was about five years old, I was visiting my great grandparents who lived on an old farm outside of Philadelphia. During my visit, my great uncle and I made a wager of 25 cents for which I don’t even remember the details of the wager. However, I distinctly remember I lost the bet. I “mistakenly” hoped my great uncle would “forgive” my wager and let me keep my bright, shiny quarter. However, he reminded me that we had both agreed to the wager and I needed to pay up. I didn’t want to give up my quarter, which was a lot of money for a five year old, so I began crying. My uncle relented…he wasn’t happy at all with my behavior and not being willing to pay for the bet I lost “fair and square.” However, I remember to this day what he said to me in a cross tone, “Johnny, don’t ever make a bet you’re not prepared to lose and honor.” From that single experience, I realized I was responsible for the actions (and consequences) of my decisions. When a choice I made turned out well (or poorly), I needed to look in the mirror. Also, I deliberated in deciding how to minimize my exposure(s) to risk. I questioned assumptions and investigated options from different views. I started my critical thinking journey at a young age. Since my “wager experience” so long ago, I now analyze my circumstances to make well thought out decisions to reduce risk in professional and personal areas.

Yet as I grew older, I recognized my parents had protected me from many of the “crazy things of life in the big world.” I was going to have to be “schooled” in hard knocks to prepare for success in young adulthood and beyond.

When I returned from my Boy Scout summer camp at the age of 12 in 1974, my parents told me they had just purchased an old farm house and small luncheonette on a two-acre property in rural Bucks Co., PA. Buckingham sits one hour north from where I and my younger siblings had been raised in a busy suburb adjacent to Philadelphia. My dad bought the property without getting “buy in” from my mom (or us kids). Needless to say, none of us was happy about leaving friends, school, and our neighborhood for a “Great Unknown.” Adjustments to “life in the country” were tough over the next few years. However growing up, I learned how to work in the family restaurant adjusting to a medley of customers and personalities (professionals, truck drivers, farmers, mechanics, builders, etc.). Also, I became adept in cooking and preparing meals, “waiting” tables, as well as cleaning the restaurant. When my friends slept in late on the weekends or went to the movies, dined, or just had fun on a weekend night, my siblings and I worked at the restaurant. Not a fun experience for six years until I left for college. However, as I re-assess my teen years at our family restaurant, I realize my experiences enabled me to thrive in an array of situations and challenges. I became adept at relating to difficult and “easy going” personalities. Not that I’d admit this to my dad, but my days toiling in our family restaurant empowered me to grow as a team builder, manage time and conflicts and personalities, establish priorities, embrace unfamiliar opportunities, and learn how to build a plan. These traits served me well as I ventured into the challenges of the “big world” of college in central New Jersey.

I thoroughly enjoyed my college experience at Rutgers University over the next four years. I made quite a few life-long friends, earned a degree in Business, and involved myself in many of the University-sponsored activities: sports, clubs, special events.

My “gift to myself” for graduating from Rutgers University in 1984 at the age of 21 was to go backpacking for six weeks through Europe with my best friend, Bill. We looked forward to the adventures ahead: sleeping at youth hostels and with family; travelling via train and a Eurail pass; visiting the sites. I saved for an entire year to purchase my plane ticket, Eurail pass, and youth hostel ticket. I pored over train schedules and studied all the books and pamphlets about the seven countries we were to visit…the internet didn’t yet exist. Our trip was memorable from take-off from JFK Airport on my very first airline flight (at age of 21) to the ferry and train rides travelling from London across the North Sea to the Netherlands. Throughout our six week adventure, Bill and I negotiated challenges posed by language barriers, East German border guards at the East/West German border train station, changing money (no euros), tight budgets, finding places to sleep every night, meeting up with family and friends, as well as organizing day trips to places we never imagined. My friend and I flew from our final stop in London. We had thoroughly enjoyed the trip of a lifetime and made friends we still have to this day. I had been committed to going on my trip despite being nervous during the planning phase. I had ventured way beyond my comfort zone, even during the first few days of the trip. However, I noticed within a few days of arriving in Europe I had learned how to order a meal, arrange for a room, and plan a train/bus venture despite significant language barriers and not being familiar with the cultures. Although not its original purpose, my trip of a lifetime transitioned me from being a “play it safe home body” to become a confident, self-assured explorer. I was on my way to independence. I was no longer intimidated by new challenges in unfamiliar opportunities. I was confident and proficient in planning and setting agendas. One of the trip’s benefits for future opportunities was it empowered me to operate and plan with flexibility. I could adjust to fluid conditions with little warning. I was more proficient in my budgeting abilities as I made my fixed stipend (and laundry) last six weeks. These new tools in my “toolkit” enabled me to succeed in upcoming rewarding opportunities arriving within just two and five years of my return…becoming an Air Force officer and moving out on my own (1986) and marrying my best friend (1989) and starting our family.

References                           

Denning, S. (2011). The leader’s guide to storytelling: Mastering the art and discipline of  

            business narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Whalen, D.J. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage

           Publications, Inc.

A521.2.3.RB_FodenJohn Danger of Single Stories

The diversity we embrace generates our new possibilities…engenders innovative thinking and reflection. Familiar and “comfortable” thinking simply constrains our vision of community and world. Ms. Chimamanda Adichie, in her powerful TED discussion “The danger of a single story” compellingly asserted that a “single story(line)” limits readers to a “slimmed down” version of the context. Ms. Adichie challenged us to pursue new narratives (themes) to challenge the entrenched understandings of our world.

In his book “The Professional Communications Toolkit,” D. Joel Whalen suggested audience members “remember the first thing they hear and the last thing said.” Ms. Adichie adeptly began her discussion stating “I’m a storyteller and I want to share a few personal stories about what I call the danger of the single story.” In those few words, Ms. Adichie alerted us to the unpleasant consequences of familiarizing ourselves to only one story(line). However, she ended her discussion with an appeal to choose wisely and beyond the singe story, stating “When we reject the single story, we regain a kind of paradise.”

I’m convinced Ms. Adichie effectively identified and conveyed her disappointments, reflections, and hopes that we challenge ourselves to move beyond a single story in better understanding our world. Her experiences growing up as a young woman in a middle-class, Nigerian family gave her unique perspectives as she engaged with American friends and Western ideas.

During her first couple of minutes in the introduction, Ms. Adichie exemplified the power and limitations of speaking extracted from Whalen’s “Professional Communications Toolkit.” She shared embarrassment with her realization that she imposed prejudices from her early reading of Western culture/orientation and subsequent transposing that onto her early writings. She grew up reading books (and writing) about blond-haired, blue-eyed Caucasians, snow, talking about the weather, and ginger beer. Yet, she and her family/friends didn’t experience these things in everyday life in Nigeria.

Later in her talk, Ms.Adichie shared how she began writing (and reading) more works relating to her Nigerian heritage. Whalen plainly wrote about the importance of connotative symbols in communicating ideas across a spectrum. The meaning of a word can change from person to person as each person’s narrative differs from experience. Ms. Adichie shared several examples of one-way thinking about other nationalities developed via labeling (not personal interaction). She shared stories of the ignorance of her college roommate referencing Ms. Adichie’s supposed familiarity (or lack thereof) with respect to tribal music, western kitchen appliances, and English (as a first language). Ms. Adichie even shared her own embarrassing personal misconceptions were due to a constrained narrative about Phillipe (her family’s Nigerian “house boy”) whose family was supposedly too poor to make baskets or own nice things or her early views that Mexicans were lazy and just wanted to cross the border illegally for jobs and free health care.

Ms. Adichie leveraged springboard stories throughout her narrative calling out the dangers of relying on single stories to frame personal thoughts. She followed Denning’s (2011) framework for creating and sharing springboard stories which were detailed in his book “The Leader’s Guide to Storytelling.” Denning pointed out leaders prefer to employ a springboard story because this style “communicates a complex new idea and inspires action to implement it.” (pg. 59)  Ms. Adichie relied on several springboard stories inspiring her audience to ignore the single story and explore more and less obvious possibilities. She employed springboard stories whether they referenced her reading/ writing books as a young child, building an opinion of her family’s domestic help, adjusting her view of Mexicans, or educating her roommates on what it “means” to be African.

Denning (2011) stressed orators leverage springboard stories to motivate listeners to “invent the future” which was exactly the intent of Ms. Adichie’s dialogue. She clearly showed how easy it is for anyone (but especially for Westerners) to formulate opinions and viewpoints based on a single prevalent narrative…which typically turned out to be inaccurate. She was concerned about overcoming what she defined as “African authenticity”…the perception that many Africans are too middle class, professional, and advantaged and not sufficiently poor, uneducated, pitied.

Ms. Adichie closely followed the model Denning (2011) outlined for incorporating a springboard story in to her presentation. First, she generated attention for her TED session by introducing negative stories with respect to her parochial awareness of her life which then fostered a single story (reading/writing Western ideas about Africa and her understanding of the experiences of hired help). Her stories attracted her audience to her narrative because her narrative is our narrative in that everyone tends to stereotype the unfamiliar.

Second, once Ms. Adichie defined her dilemma which generated stereotypes, she sought to stimulate a desire for change. She emphatically proposed that a single story creates a stereotype. The issue isn’t that stereotypes are untrue, but that they are incomplete. Stereotypes make one story become the only story. She reminded us that Africa is more than just famine, crime, lost resources, disease. Focusing on negatives robs people of dignity. In convincing her audience that stereotypes leave the audience’s understanding as incomplete, she challenged it to access and  investigate more stories.

Last, Denning (2011) proposed the storyteller reinforce change with compelling reasons to solidify the audience’s commitment. Ms. Adichie showed the change to multiple stories as convincing because audience members would no longer limit their understanding by a single story. The audience’s understanding would now be opened to nuanced realities extracted from multiple sources vice “black and white” opinions formulated from a narrow source.

            Ms. Adichie’s narrative was enlightening and convincing. She brilliantly defined her purpose: uncover the “ugliness” of the single story and then implored the audience to commit to creating more realities based on multiple and differing stories and nuanced ideas.

References                            

Adichie, C. N. (2009). The danger of a single story. TED. Retrieved from

           http://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story.html

Denning, S. (2011). The leader’s guide to storytelling: Mastering the art and discipline of  

            business narrative. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Whalen, D.J. (2007). The professional communications toolkit. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage

            Publications, Inc.

Stories in Your Organization

A521.1.4.RB_FodenJohn

Describe a common story in your organization and discuss its implications on the organization. Does this story promote the goals and ideals of the organization? Does it help describe "who we are and what we stand for?" What is the story's impact on the culture of the organization?

Who doesn’t enjoy a good story? One that speaks to the soul and essence of your organization. I’ve enjoyed a rewarding 25 year career in the Air Force which spanned eleven assignments, six states, four countries, and a war. My decisions and leadership impacted the lives of my Airmen and strengthened the security of our Nation in some dire historical circumstances. A few proud memories created years ago remain strong. One in particular energizes me to this day. How can events that unfold almost eight years ago still make me smile today? Well, let me tell you…

One of my favorite assignments of my 25 year tenure was serving as a commander for a 300-person logistics squadron at Hill Air Force Base, Utah in 2004-2006. I absolutely enjoyed the privilege to serve, command, and lead military and civilian Airmen. I was responsible to train, discipline, mentor, educate, deploy, cheer, and recognize the excellence of Airmen. My proudest memories were preparing these warriors to deploy to Iraq and Afghanistan for four to six month combat tours…and then receive them home safely to their families. I even had the fortune to deploy to a recently established Air Base adjacent to Baghdad Airport and command a 130-person logistics and aerial port squadron. This opportunity was unexpected and much more rewarding than my original tasking to Kuwait. I commanded Airmen who managed a fleet of 200 vehicles, an airport passenger terminal and airfield in a war zone as well as a regional supply depot. We worked with contractors flying Russian airlift to move cargo supporting Americans. On top of that, we worked with DoD officials to twice fly Iraqis to election polling sites throughout the country to ratify their first-ever national Constitution…an exciting time to make an impact literally a “world away”.

As much fun as I was having during my tour, the best part was coming home to my family waiting for me at the Salt Lake City Airport. My return trip from Baghdad included a C17 flight to Al Udeid and then a connection on via a leased commercial aircraft thru Ireland to my interim stop of Norfolk VA (a mere 35 miles from where I type this story). I was getting more and more excited as I spoke with my wife from my hotel room in Norfolk and then boarded a commercial flight to Salt Lake City the next morning. When the wheels of the aircraft “touched down,” I was bubbling over…my wife, daughter (12 years old) and son (9 years old) were waiting for me on the other side of the entry…at the end of the ramp. Heck, the flight attendant even shared my trip home with the rest of the passengers on that flight. I was feeling giddy. And when I exited the plane and walked through the door and into the airport, I was met and hugged by yes, my wife and kids, but also my boss and close friends greeted me with hugs. We “caught up” and then walked to the airport’s baggage claim area…little did I suspect. When my group of family and friends descended down the escalator, I was then greeted by Airmen from my squadron holding a large “Welcome Home” banner and cheering. And a military bus from my squadron was there in the parking area to take me home…and as the bus passed through the main gate at Hill Air Force Base, the driver pulled over to allow my wing commander to embark and greet me home. What a memory, but my homecoming story was also the story of dozens of my Airmen (and thousands of military members) returning home from their tours in “the sandbox”. I also went to the airport many times with others to greet returning squadron members…

Our squadron’s “welcome home” traditions were similar to those observed by countless military and volunteer organizations across the five military Services and our great Nation. They reflect the family bond within and between units. Welcoming home our brothers and sisters in arms who serve overseas, in harm’s way expresses our respect for their sacrifices and contributions. Whether this scene involves a senior enlisted member who has served  multiple deployments greeting a ”three striper” returning from his first deployment or a commander greeting a junior enlisted member, it all translates the same…it’s all about "who we are as an Air Force and what we stand for.” Service and respect for fellow Airmen. This respect makes possible the Global Reach/Global Power and commitment to excellence of our Air Force and Airmen…yesterday, today…and tomorrow.